


i will love you.

by dawningofdrag



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, High School, Lesbian AU, Pining, Unrequited Love, best friends to strangers, guys i can only write sad shit im so sorry, it gigis turn to pine bc last time it was crystal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25035307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawningofdrag/pseuds/dawningofdrag
Summary: gigi had a crush on crystal, and she just never came around to getting over it.[ heavily inspired by lemony snicket's “I Will Love You.” letter from the beatrice letters. ]
Relationships: Crystal Methyd/Gigi Goode, Crystal Methyd/Nicky Doll, Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Nicky Doll/Crystal Methyd
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	i will love you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dollalpaca](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollalpaca/gifts).



> no one asked for sad crygi but here the fuck we are huh
> 
> for my og tumblr mutual @dollalpaca for the jankie candle gift exchange! ilusm, her works are absolutely iconic, if you havent read stuff from zyan then u better get to it!!! theyre all amazing!! 
> 
> hope u enjoy some sad gigi pining, gays

**_-_ **

**_I will love you._ **

**_I will love you no matter how many fire drills we are all forced to endure, and no matter what is drawn upon the blackboard in a blurring, boring chalk._ **

**_I will love you no matter what your locker combination was, or how you decided to spend your time during study hall._ **

**_I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table._ **

**_-_ **

They were under the pillow fort they had built mere hours ago, bright eyes looking up at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to Gigi’s plain white ceiling. It was quiet, silence filling their ears for more than a just a quick moment, but it wasn’t awkward. They’ve been friends long enough for the silence to be serene instead of uncomfortable. 

Gigi was in her head, not like she never was, but right now her mind ran a million miles faster than it normally would. She felt like she was going crazy over a singular thought that no matter how hard she tried to suppress, kept coming back. She knew it was stupid, freaking out over something she was so sure Crystal wouldn’t even care for, but it still didn’t faze her subconscious need to pick at the skin around her baby pink acrylic fingernails and gnaw at her bottom lip.

Crystal took Gigi’s hand and squeezed it, the action pulling the blonde out of the deep spiraling hole she had somehow dug herself into. The brunette could see that Gigi was in her head, anyone within a five foot radius probably could. But she was thankful her best friend did something about it. She normally was the only one that did anything, anyway. 

She took in a deep breath, bright eyes screwed shut before the words she dreaded to say out loud finally slipped past the barrier of her bare lips. 

“I think I like girls.”

Crystal’s head turned to meet the blonde’s wary gaze, focus shifting almost immediately after she spoke the sentence into the late autumn air that filled the small bedroom. She tore away her stare just as quickly as she initiated it, and Gigi could see through the dim yellow light that illuminated the room that the brunette was smiling. 

“Really?”

Gigi’s lip crawled back to the space between her teeth, eyes now glued to the girl next to her as she waited for her best friend to give her a proper response. “Yeah.”

“That’s cool because I uh, like girls too.”

Gigi sat up in one quick motion, a grin daring to plaster itself on her face to mimic the surprisingly positive energy the girl who laid next to her radiated. She rested her weight on her elbows, and the sinking feeling she had to deal with for the past couple of hours had vanished completely. A wave of relief filled her senses, and it was like a heavy weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. 

“Really?” She questioned, her need to smile winning the winner battle she had fought as a toothy grin crept up her lips. Crystal nodded, a soft chuckle escaping hers.

“I know that we’re like, sixteen,” She continued, sitting up and meeting Gigi’s hopeful blue eyes. The light from her yellow pokemon night light that sat by the edge of her double bed illuminated the small space, providing just enough light for Gigi to see that Crystal was grinning, too. “-but I think I know.” 

Silence filled the room once more, but once again, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Their eyes met, her bright blue eyes meeting Crystal’s dark ones, and for just a moment, everything was okay. 

Everything was good.

“Cool.” 

They lock eyes once more, the echo of their previous conversation bouncing against the bright stick-on wallpaper that enveloped the four walls of Gigi’s bedroom. She gazed at the way their hands were still intertwined, fingers laced together so tightly like they had no plan to let go. 

“Cool.”

**-**

**_I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this, and no matter how I am discovered after what happens to me happens to me as I am discovering this._ **

**-**

“I think I’m gonna ask Nicky out to prom.”

The long dragging spring breeze grazed Gigi's pale skin, the light blonde hairs that littered her legs rising at the touch of cold the late night had brought into the confinement of her bedroom.

They sat by the windowsill that sat just above Gigi’s lavender sheets, chunky knit sweaters wrapped comfortably around their frames because putting on sweatpants to keep themselves warm felt too much of an effort for their regular three in the morning conversations. 

Gigi chuckled, refusing to meet the Latina’s dark eyes that patiently waited for her response. She tossed her head back against the wall her back rested on, mind racing to find the right words she knew her best friend desperately wanted to hear.

She let out a soft sigh, eyes darting to the unimpressive view of her neighborhood to keep herself from meeting Crystal’s hopeful ones. “That’s cool.”

It wasn’t cool, and how Gigi was able to tell a lie so convincingly was almost impressive. Gigi fucking hated Nicky, if you wanted her to be truthfully and painfully honest. She thought she acted too nice, too selfless, too polite for it to be real. Gigi was a firm believer of the idea that people were inherently evil, and she refused to believe people who were as nice as Nicky were genuine people. Of course, Jackie from her theater group shit on her for thinking so when she found herself confessing it to the Persian during their warm-ups, and the brunette believed that Gigi just had what she described as an unexplainable seething hatred.

It wasn’t unexplainable, though, was the thing. She just refused to accept the reason why. 

Gigi liked Crystal and nothing had fueled her hatred more than seeing the one you love fall for someone else. It was extremely cheesy, the blonde was _well_ aware, but it could not be more true. 

“You think it’s a good idea?” Crystal pulled her out of her thoughts, her response or lack thereof fueling the obvious concern glossing her dark eyes. 

_It wasn’t a good idea,_ Gigi wanted to scream. She pursed her bare pink lips, mustering all the strength she had left in her slender physique to keep herself from saying words she knew she would definitely regret later. 

Gigi finally met Crystal’s hopeful eyes, hopeful gaze waiting for a positive response. She forced a small smile, and hoped the act she had put up would reflect in her light eyes as well. “Yeah.” 

The exasperated sigh of relief the brunette had let out after her response made Gigi realize that she had said the right thing. A strong gust of wind caressed the exposed skin of her long legs, a subtle shiver running down her spine, but she doubted it was caused by the low temperatures. Gigi would never admit it, but seeing how relieved Crystal was, hurt a lot more than she expected it to. 

Gigi continued, muttering her reply under her breath as she tore away her stare, instead focusing on the bright blue nail polish painted on her toes. “She’s nice, has a pretty accent and stuff.”

There was silence after the brunette replied with a smile, the subdued whistle of the breeze ringing in her ears to fill the absence of words in the thick spring air. The blonde watched as Crystal picked the lint off of her hoodie, plump bottom lip tucked between her teeth. The bright white light that illuminated the sidewalks of her neighborhood reached her window and framed each feature of Crystal’s face she had come to love. Tan skin, the unruly curls of her dark brown hair, the unwavering tinge of pink that occupied her cheeks, remnants of drawn on freckles littering the slightly downturned bridge of her nose. Her fingers ached to reach out and touch them, delicately drawing over the turns and the curves of her features until cupping her face and pulling her into a kiss. 

“So are we cool?”

Crystal’s question pulled her out of the longing daydream that had somehow occupied her brain, brushing it off with a quick shake of her head.

_We aren’t._

“Promise,” Gigi chuckled, nudging the tan legs of the woman who sat across her with the pad of her foot. “We’re cool.”

**_-_ **

**_I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from skim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog._ **

**_I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, no matter where you avoid and who you don’t see, and no matter who sees you avoiding where you go._ **

**_-_ **

“Everything ready?”

Gigi peeled her focus away from the mountainous pile of cardboard boxes in her mom’s minivan, blocking the view the back window would normally provide on a regular day. Both of her hands rested comfortably on her hips, blue eyes scanning the labels of each weathered box before meeting Crystal’s longing gaze with a smile.

She ran over to envelop the Latina in a hug in an attempt to catch the woman off guard, almost toppling them both over and falling into the dusty grey sidewalk just outside her front porch. 

Loud strings of laughter fell from her lips, the ringing of Crystal’s infectious giggles filled her ear like a melodic tune she wished she could listen to forever. The dull, persistent pain that ached deep in her chest increased in strength, the thought of leaving the place she had called home and the person who made it home in the first place were what she believed caused the discomfort to grow.

They stood like that for a short while, arms wrapped tight around the other person’s waist as if letting go would physically hurt them if they did something as simple as try. They rocked back and forth, lost in the trance of each other’s touch, heads buried deep in each other’s neck to take in the familiar scent of their perfumes for one last time before the memory would turn fuzzy after months of separation.

They promised they would call. Facetime every Wednesday night, send photos of their dinners and midnight snacks and act like they were back in Gigi’s bedroom, snacking on chicken nuggets that weren’t cooked enough and party-size bags of chips until their stomachs were filled to the brim with grease. They promised they would text each other good morning and good night everyday, no matter the three hour time difference, but Gigi knew that the routine they had planned on following religiously wasn’t going to stay for long. People grew apart, they almost always do based on her judgement, and knowing that it was going to happen to her and her favorite person in the whole entire world almost convinced her to never loosen her rather tight grip around the Latina’s waist.

“Enjoy California, Gigi.” Crystal spoke softly as she pulled away, against the blonde’s wishes, dark eyes glossy and Gigi could barely make out the tears that threatened to spill on her best friend’s rose-colored cheeks. 

“Have fun in New York.” Gigi forced a smile, already an expert on reigning in the sadness that would normally display itself on her face when she was alone in her bedroom, no one seeing the crack in her armor but herself and the stuffed giraffe Crystal had got her for Christmas back in middle school. 

The slamming of a car door caused the pale arms she rested on the brunette’s waist to pull away, the revving of the engine of her mother’s minivan causing a sense of panic and hurry to fill her senses. She rushed to grab her bag that sat by the steps of their front porch, taking one good look at the familiar neighborhood view she grew up in before meeting the eyes of the Latina that made the view feel like home. 

The dull ache in her chest intensified once she saw a stray tear run down her best friend’s cheek, Crystal wiping it away with the back of her hand the second she had realized the tear she desperately tried to keep at bay had escaped. It hurt, it _really_ fucking hurt. But there was no going back now. 

This was the end.“I’ll see you around.” Crystal chuckled, shrugging her shoulders before a toothy smile broke past her distraught demeanor. 

Gigi laughed, enveloping the taller girl in a quick tight hug before pulling away, already missing the comforting hold her best friend had seemed to master whenever she needed her hand to be held, or her body to be hugged, or her hair to be run through with her bare fingertips. 

“Cool?” Gigi whispered, too scared to speak with full volume in fear that Crystal would notice how her voice would crack. 

The blonde adjusted the bag that was hastily slung over her shoulder, the beep of her mother’s olive green car causing her to walk away before Crystal could call out her response. 

Gigi let a laugh slip past her glossed lips when she heard Crystal scream from her porch. 

“COOL!” 

**-**

**I will love you if you don’t marry me.**

**I will love you if you have a child, and I will love you if you have two children, or three children, or even more, although I personally think three is plenty.**

**And I will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and I must say that on late, cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned.**

**That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.**

**-**

Gigi watched by the marble countertop of the kitchen she grew up in as Crystal mingled with the rest of her parent’s guests, currently exchanging stories with the blonde’s sister-in-law after realizing they shared an alma mater. 

Not like Gigi was listening, though. She would never admit to doing so. 

Why her mom decided to invite the brunette over after years of not talking to one another, Gigi had no fucking clue. It was probably because it was Christmas, she guessed, and it’s been two years since she last spent it back in Missouri, too busy with acting gigs to find time in her schedule to book a flight home for Christmas. And somehow her mom thought that it was a great idea to welcome her back by inviting her ex-best friend. She appreciated the sentiment, she really did, but it was like her valiant efforts to distance herself from the Latinawere thrown out the window. 

“She really was the one that got away, huh?” Her mother chuckled as she noticed how Gigi was staring, shaking her head as she fanned the casserole that just came out of the oven with her warm oven mitts. 

Gigi rolled her eyes, downing the remnants of white wine in her glass to distract herself from the way Crystal styled the dark brown curls of her hair. It was much shorter now than the last time she saw her, barely reaching her shoulders, The unruly hair her teenage self had gotten used to looked much more manageable now, perfectly framing her features that were noticeably much sharper and mature. 

“Whatever.” Gigi shook her head, pouring more of the transparent liquor into her glass before walking over to the living room to join in on the mingling. She was acting like a fucking teenager, ignoring her mom’s snarky remarks about the childhood crush she just never got over, but she just didn’t want to deal with her Mom’s teasing right now. 

“Hey.” 

The conversation died down, her sister-in-law retreating to the bathroom and giving her the perfect chance to talk to the brunette for the first time in probably two years.

It wasn’t like Crystal didn’t reach out, she definitely tried. She had somehow gotten hold of her email and sent her a message over there like the professional adults that they were, Crystal reacting to her instagram stories with emojis and sending her memes that brought back the fond memories they shared back when everything was much simpler. It was Gigi who didn’t reply to the texts, who didn’t even bother to open the messages in the first place, afraid that rekindling the friendship she secretly really fucking missed would bring back the feelings she had suppressed, packed tight in a box at the back of her mind, never to be opened ever again. 

“Hey, Happy Holidays.” Crystal beamed, scooting to the side to give the blonde a space to sit. She gratefully accepted the offer to rest her legs, the platform of her heels too high for standing to be uncomfortable. 

They shared a hug, Gigi relishing in the comforting touch she so dearly missed. She took in the smell of Crystal’s perfume, the scent immediately bringing her back to the last time they had seen each other in person. It’s been a long seven years, but the floral hints of the perfume immediately teleported her back. It was like she never wanted to let go again, reminiscing the last time she ever felt that same exact thought, and how that ended up for the both of them in the long haul.

Gigi was an asshole for ignoring her, she knew that. 

The warmth radiating from the Latina’s chunky knit sweater felt like home. Felt like the three am conversations they would have on her windowsill. It felt like the nights they spent all cuddled up together in her double bed, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered on her ceiling because they’d be too caught up in their own thoughts to fall asleep. It felt like everything was okay again, like everything was good. 

The familiar echo of Nicky’s laughter filled her ears the second her and Gigi’s father entered the room together, going back and forth on light-hearted banter. Gigi could barely make out what they were talking about, something about how to put a toddler to sleep, before the blonde noticed Crystal stand up to greet her wife with a quick kiss. 

The smile that started to peek through Gigi’s rather distant demeanor the second she and Crystal started talking again had faltered, slowly turning into nothingness the second her bright blue eyes watched the romantic gesture unfold in front of her. She looked away for a brief moment, bottom lip retreating between her teeth, praying to every god that was out there to make sure Crystal didn’t see the utter distraught that painted her face the second she saw the Latina’s wife.

Her mother placed a comforting hand on her clothed shoulder for just a quick moment as she passed by, thumb delicately caressing the black fabric of her turtleneck. Gigi met her mom’s eyes with a barely audible sigh, before plastering on a smile the second she noticed the couple walk back into the main room. 

Nicky jogged over to the kitchen with a smile when she heard Gigi’s mother call her from the stove, the thick heel of her thigh high boots clicking against the hardwood floor. Crystal walked back to where she previously sat next to the blonde on the leather couch, a content smile grazing her lips as she relaxed into the warm fabric. 

Gigi grinned, swishing the contents of her wine glass to distract herself from the grin on the brunette’s face she was almost certain was because of Nicky. “How’s Giselle?”

“Nicky finally got to put her to sleep, thank god.” Crystal took her glass from the coffee table, taking a quick sip of champagne from her tall glass. “Little Swan was too excited for her presents from Santa to fall asleep.”

The blonde nodded along, manicured fingers tapping the glass in her hand as her light eyes focused elsewhere.

She caught sight of the French woman as she leaned against the kitchen cabinets, wine glass held to her lips as she kept her mother company while dressing up the serving plates for dinner later in the evening. 

Gigi glanced at Crystal moments after tearing her gaze from the kitchen, just to find the brunette’s eyes glued to her wife’s back. She played with her wine glass absentmindedly, soft smile bleeding through her painted lips.

It hurt. It was so fucking stupid to admit that it hurt her but it did. Crystal was happy, in love, married, a loving mother and then there was Gigi. An actress who grew well beyond the confinements of the small town she grew up in, but still helplessly stuck over her crush since freshman year of high school she just never moved on from. Head over heels for someone she had absolutely no chance with, someone she tried to actively distance herself away from. No matter how hard she tried to get over it, her mind just kept coming back to the thought of Crystal’s toothy grin, her infectious laugh, the stupid drawn on freckles she’d put on her nose.

Crystal leaned against the comfortable fabric of the couch, a relaxed sigh escaping her lips and successfully pulling Gigi out of the daydream she caught herself in. 

She really had to let this go. 

“You seem really happy with her.” The blonde forced a chuckle out from deep in her chest, taking a sip out of the chilled wine glass in her hand. 

The Latina avoided Gigi’s longing gaze, well aware where the conversation was going. Crystal would be stupid to not realize the underlying meaning behind her remark. Her eyes fixated on the shimmer of her heels under the warm yellow light that radiated from the fireplace, so obviously in her head that Gigi could spot it from a mile away.

The blonde took her hand, interlacing their fingers as if her life depended on it. Just like old times.

They finally lock eyes after a long white, dark eyes meeting a pair of somber light ones, and Gigi feigned a smile.

“I’m happy you are, Crystal.” 

The silence grew more and more painful the longer it took for Crystal to reply, her soul aching for any kind of response. She patiently watched as the brunette gazed at their intertwined hands, thumb slowly and delicately grazing the back of Gigi’s pale hand before looking back up with somber eyes. 

“Are we cool, Gigi?” 

_We never will be, but that’s okay._

Gigi squeezed her hand. “We’re cool.” 

**-**

**I will love you.**

**Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope.**

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to hmu on tumblr @dawningofdrag! 🤍


End file.
